A look in the mirror...

Ok,

Im like so overdue with this blog... but I just havnt been focused on writing as much as should have been. I recently decided that Starting April 7th, I will be taking 30 days off of EVERYTHING...the only exclusion is work, and my family. I need this time to grow, to learn myself, and to self-reflect on my life. Right now im being pulled in all kind of directions. Work, fixing computers, fixing my cars, going out wit the boys, Etc... Ive been handling this way-of-life for years now, and while I can still handle it, I feel like im not making progress in life. So I think self-evaluation is needed. Anyway people, on the to reason of this blog...I could be doing a lot worse in life, but I could be doing a lot better too. I think my life is one big circle when it comes to women. I meet a woman, talk to her, date her, etc... Then something happens which is usually not my fault, and they are gone. I know im not perfect, but I try my best to be a MAN to these women, not a little boy. I think people expect a guy to fail, partly because of the over-population of LAME ASS men in this country. I cant even meet a woman without being grilled about random shit that the last "man" they talked to did...since when am I the bad guy? Anyone who knows me knows I will cut someone's ass off in a heartbeat, and wont think twice about it. Then my mom is like "What happened to so-and-so? she was a nice girl" Yeah right mama...if you only knew... Ive dealt with it all, cheaters, liars, baby-daddy drama, broke-asses, gold-diggers, dumb (like do-do dumbs), alcoholics, weed-heads, undercover bi-sexual women, and more...and before you start thinking: "Its where you looking" or "Its the type of women you meeting" Thats bullshit. I have met teachers, business owners, people in school, people who are professionals, etc. Its not a "who you meet" thing, its a "what lies beneath" thing. People always appear to be cool when you first meet them, but its what lies beneath that gets you everytime. Speaking from experiance, I can tell you that no matter how much time you live with, be around, stay the night with, talk to, text, email, call, write, blog, facebook, tweet, or whatever, you will ONLY know what a person WANTS you to know...PERIOD. I mean come on people, there are people who are married 20+ years, then all of a sudden BAM!!!, their husband has another lover, who aint a woman...You think that just started happening? hell no. That man been seeing other men, he either got sloppy and got caught, or he just didnt care anymore. But the point is that he didnt want his wife to know, and she didnt...no matter how many years they laid in the bed together. I have found this out the hard way sadly... I dont blame women fully though, I blame myself by being blinded by other things such as looks and other simple shit. But the whole point is that im honestly tired of meeting people who dont try to do better, so many people I meet are content with their so-called life, like thats the way they wanna be 20 years from now. Time has flew by in my life, and I regret im just now realizing all this, when I knew it all along. I honestly blame society and these poor excuses for parents for raising their children the way that they do. If we stopped raising these boys to become sorry ass men, then there would be less lame ass men to hurt good women. I can seriously count on one hand the amount of good women I have really met. A lot of these women I talk about in my blogs probably were good at some point in time, but its been proven that women are WAY more emotional than men, and for that reason they cant take a mental beating like a man can and shake it off and keep moving. Now of course there are exceptions to these rules. Clearly we all know some men who are emotional like women, and we know some women who are cold like men. I feel sorry for those women who have been mentally scarred by these lames, cause what happens is that you women put up that "wall". That "wall" is where you are constantly on the defensive, always looking for something to be wrong, always making accusations, always worried about being "played". All that is what is causing you to be miserable. Yeah you can throw on a sexy outfit, go out and meet some guy, or get a lot of guys attention. But thats not what you really want. What you want is to be adored, appreciated, and respected. But all is not lost, there are still good men and women left, now while I still believe that I have better odds of winning the powerball than meeting a women who isn't in "Defend" mode, I believe it could happen. Ladies realize that every man is not a lame, there are actually some men that do care about you, and dont wanna get hurt. I've been done wrong more than I care to write about. There are and always will be a few special people in my life...my true friends I can sadly count on both hands. Everybody else, well...they aren'tt exactly what I would call "friends". The ones (male and female) who REALLY know me, know my ways of thinking, and understand my logic and know why I write the shit I do. I just base what I write on real life experiences, either with me or what I see other people go through. Im not a writer, im not paid to write, there are just so many people who I cant reach through spoken word, so they need to see it and read and absorb it themselves. I hope this blog makes a difference in someone's life...cause I know some people who need change, including myself...and this is my start...Dueces

The Self-Destruction Of The Woman...

This blog was coming...simply because the last 4-5 women I have met or even talked to, all have kids...so I had to do this...not to diss them, but to give a wake up call to the ones who are headed down this path...

So im at work the other night...and I get a text from this girl I used to talk to a while back that said "I know this is random but its been on my mind. I want u to know im sorry for any pain I caused. Ura good person and I didnt mean to hurt u! Goonight..." See the way I think, Im on some ish like she wants me to reply so she can think I still care...so i didnt say anything...damn her...its her loss. I may seem bitter...but thats how it is...so my other friend said about the situation, and I quote "So she has a heart lol. I've stopped dealing with a guy for whatever reason and after a while, he may get a text saying, " I'm sorry about the things that happened. Hope all is well. " Or whatever...its not because I definitely want them back...I may be bored and just want someone to occupy that moment or I may just want to clear my conscience. I think a lot of females may feel the same way. We just want the attention for a min and then I go right back to NOT thinking bout ya." Wow...so of course I had to load the guns & fire back...and this is what I said..."well thats why she will never be able to achieve happiness on a mental or relationship level, and she will always depend on a man for a "quick fix" until she's back feeling lonely again...people like that aren't good for anybody...especially for her daughter, who will see men come in and out of her life...and that is why women have the warped sense of values they have now...because of that way of thinking...its passed down from generation to generation...im glad my mama never had that going on...and that my sisters dont either, and neither will my nieces...women are taught to look for the bad so quick, they forget about the 80/20 rule...and then they end up like that, cause men throw themselves at women so women never have to look, its always right there, but eventually, they gonna wake up, be 38, no permanent establishment, no stable environment for themselves or their children cause of the "quick fixes", and they will end up by themselves with a empty hole where their beliefs & values used to be..."

Again...this is food for thought ladies...this could be happening to you...

Dont Judge Me

Well people...I have been on a "blog hiatus" because of my demanding work schedule, but being that im at work now not doing anything, why not write now? Anyways, I titled this blog "Dont Judge Me" for obvious reason: You dont need to judge me. So...anyone who knows me even just a lil bit can see that im a friendly, fun-going, positive thinking guy. Those who really know me know that even more...but anyway...I try to be friendly to people with whom I work with, do business with, etc...Now for someone who doesn't know me, they might make their own assumptions about what I do for a living, etc...I get labeled the "Dope Boy" all the time...why I dont know. But anyway...some of the people here at work have found me on facebook, and I added them...just because im that cool of a dude...So I become facebook friends with a certain individual, and everything is cool...this same person just started working in my building, they came from the other building...they already kinda got me thinking cause they said some off the wall type mess like "I heard about you in the other building, I heard your car is all loud, and you be coming to work with your pants hanging down...and I was like WHAT!@#$? Those that know me know I dont go anywhere lookin a mess, I dont own a pair of pants that "sag" on me. So I ignored it...casue we're all co-workers...we laugh, joke, and have a good time at work to pass time...But then one day I get a message on the Office Communicator here at work saying "You seem like a nice guy, but I looked at your facebook page, and I see you have a very wild & crazy lifestyle, and im very much into my religion & church, and I dont think we should be friends, I mean you cool though"...and im like HUH? WTF? First & foremost...I became friends with you on facebook just cause I thoguht you were cool... I actually had to take the time to go on facebook to see exactly what she was talking about. I saw pics from like almost 2 years ago when I was out partying...The last time I checked I was 28 Grown Ass Years Old. I can do what I want when I want and no one can tell me what to do. Secondly...if you are so "Deep into your religion" And "The Church" then clearly I dont need to remind you that you should be the first one to not judge anyone. Just because I go to the club and party doesn't mean I live a wreckless lifestyle. People are so quick to judge you when they think you aren't living the life you should be...There are SO many people out here that are doing a lot worse than me, killing kids, robbing folks, pushing dope, etc...I work, I have no criminal record, none of that...So what if I go out...the last time I checked she damn sure wasn't perfect. These "Church People" Kill me...its funny that the "Church People" always got something to say when we ALL know they are the worse ones...some of the biggest freaks & loosest (is that a word?) People come straight out of church...Needless to say she removed me from her facebook, which I thought was hilarious cause she still walks by & looks at me every night at work...but the lesson here is dont judge me, cause you dont know me. Why is it that because someone chooses to live their life a certain way, that they have the right to tell you how to live yours? People need to take a look in the mirror, listen twice as much as you talk, and maybe you will be ok...I should do like ricky smiley and pull a "pray-by" and run by her desk real fast while throwing some of those little green bibles at her...lol...but nah let me stop...just dont judge me if you dont know me...and for those that do know me, you also know I took it light on her...cause some of my previous blogs have buried some folks...so maybe I am becoming better at being a nice guy...lol


That is all...

Random Thought Number One...

So im sitting here at my cushy desk at work, its about 12:00am on 11/17/09... every now and then I have these random thoughts about things that I feel have been life changing events. I think about my brother more often than most people know...those that really know me know that my pops aint really about shit, so growing up around him wasnt exactly the best experience. My brother used to come around often, take me to hang out, and taught me a lot about electronics & computers. I honestly owe a lot of what I know to him, and I think about him alot. Sadly he left this world the day before my birthday in 2006. We barely communicated in the years coming towards his death, and I blame myself for not keeping in touch with those who I grew up with. I have a first cousin right now who I have not talked to in about 2+ years...I dont know why I havnt... and we were close as ever...I think about a lot of things randomly...Like sometimes I think what if I would have stayed with my fiancee and tried to work it out instead of walking away? where would I be now? What would my life be like? Theres so much to write about, and so much that people who I consider to be close dont know...Like I wake up sometimes and wonder if its just the luck I have with women, or if its just me, or I just cant seem to meet the right woman...and so many people ask me why am I single? I honestly dont know...and it bothers me that im getting older and have yet to meet anyone who wants to take life as serious as I do...I just cant seem to understand what it is about the people I meet, I've met the good ones, and of course the not so good ones, but what ive learned is that no matter where I go or who I meet, its always something wrong. I try to think that maybe its me, but then I see how these women look at life and how they are so busy or preoccupied with their lives and bullshit, they cant have time for someone like me. Maybe its the image I give off, and I by any means am not stuck up, nor am I arrogant. I think its maybe the way I treat these women...just like my good female friend told me..."If you acted like an asshole, they would love you"...but its not in my nature to be an asshole. Those who know me know im too cool for that...maybe its cause im too honest? But lying isn't my style either...who knows...I dont wanna think that im meant to be single, cause I want a nice house, a wife and a kid or two...but that dream is fading fast as the reality of the women I have met and are still meeting is setting in...

That is all...goodnight